Christmas morning, 1975 and the drafty house that was normally bone-chillingly cold in the early morning hours -- the fire having burnt down to ash before midnight -- was instead still warm and comfortable, a sign that my parents had been up later than usual, undoubtedly waiting out me and my sister’s mix of Christmas Eve excitement to wrap the presents from Santa.
At the time, however, I knew only that the house was warm and that my sister and I – under strict orders to leave everything alone but whatever we found in our stockings until a minimum of 6 a.m. when the parents could be drug out in the pre-dawn light to make coffee and fumble a flashbulb into their little cube of a camera – were free to excitedly tear into our stockings and scout the living room for the things we’d hoped Santa had brought from among the things we’d circled and re-circled in the Sears & Roebuck 1975 Wish Book.
By 6:30, we’d made a shambles of the recently pristine stack of presents as my bleary –eyed parents looked on in contentment as well as probably no small worry over their credit card bills as my sister poured over the instructions for her Easy Bake Oven and I worked on fitting together the segments of slotted track that would transform mere plastic into the Tyco Glo-In-The-Dark Extreme Stunt Speedway.
I was seven that Christmas morning, but already old enough to know that my parents were struggling financially and I vividly remember, looking back, how grateful I was that my parents had Santa to help carry me and my sister’s hopes and expectations – to make sure that even if my parents couldn’t afford a “big” present, that we could ask Santa for that one thing that we thought might be outside our parents’ budget.
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I was 43 this past November when I happened upon a new group on Reddit called “Random Acts of Christmas” and, after reading a few posts, was deeply moved by both what parents there were hoping against hope to somehow deliver for their kids’ Christmas through the kindness of strangers, as well as what complete strangers were willingly doing to help – the bottom line was that though all of the nearly thousand people subscribed to this group, whether as parents looking for help or “Santas” doing their part, represented a cross section of America (and indeed the world), it did not matter one whit if someone were religious or not, conservative or liberal, black or white. What was very clear was that this was about the kids, as Christmas should be first and foremost – a time when wonder is alive, when magic remains possible, and when what is wished for might be granted.
Because of everything I saw in the weeks leading up to Christmas on this subreddit – the recognition that there were needs of kids to be met and that was all that mattered – I asked those who participated to tell me a little more about their experience as a requester, a “Santa”, or in some cases both. Here are their stories.
First, from the requesters
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“Our son was born with a lung condition and we have ongoing trips to the hospital, ER department and a lot of sleepless nights lately because he has been sick. My husband is the only one working and travels 100 miles each day to work; everyone at Random Acts of Christmas has been wonderful sending gifts for my son and have even sent some things for myself and my husband which was a big surprise. It’s overwhelming at times and brings tears to my eyes when I see the generosity and kindness that everyone has shown to our family.”
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“I feel overwhelmed at complete strangers’ generosity. I was completely helpless this year, and I was so depressed that my wonderful babies weren't going to get anything. But because of every Santa that helped me, my babies have an amazing Christmas. I really didn't think people like y'all even existed before I found this site.”
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“This what the girls (3 & 4.5) wrote: ‘we hope Santa can find us, we really don't have a real home at this time, we sleep on the floor at our daddy’s jobs office -- things have been real tough lately, so we stay at the office during the week, and our aunt’s a hundred miles away on the weekends. We hope to have a house again soon, but mommy goes to school and dad’s job is based on the weather.’
The outpouring of generosity was and is truly astounding. I am still awestruck and moved to tears as the packages keep arriving. I found Random Acts of Christmas after striking up a conversation with a fellow Redditor about my family being basically homeless and how bad I felt that my girls were not going to have a Christmas due to lack of work and just trying to keep the necessities going. She gave me the kick to swallow my pride and ask for my girls’ sake. So the acts of giving and receiving began, much to my joy and astonishment and my girls’ as well as me and their Mom.
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“My only purpose was to make a Christmas for my four year old son. I was an requester , and while the site was a little challenging at first, it became clear to me...I didn’t expect to have so many quick responses that soon, for I tried a few sites before and wasn’t lucky.. .you all played a big part in my son’s Christmas, and I thank you for your heart -- you really don’t how much this means to my son and me. I can’t wait to pay it forward.
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“I have read many stories on here from those that are struggling and stories of those that have helped. It is so AWESOME seeing how many have helped those that are struggling. What is even more amazing is seeing those who have helped several struggling families. It warms my heart knowing that there are so many children out there that WILL have big smiles on their faces Christmas morning as they unwrap their gifts, these gifts all because of this wonderful site Random Acts of Christmas. The whole concept of Random Acts of Christmas is so heartfelt and wonderful. It has made my days brighter knowing that there are such generous caring people all over the world helping those in need.
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“I am a single mom of two boys. I am out of work and having a bit of a rough spot right now. I am on SSI ($671) a month due to breaking my back and autoimmune disorders. I saw the Random Acts of Christmas subreddit and thought I would try it. I never expected anyone to pick out gifts for my son and was truly shocked when someone did. Made me cry for about half the day. Then more offers came in and I just can’t believe how much he got. It makes me feel wonderful that someone cared enough to help him. Kind of like we still count.
Yet, I also have this deep sadness that I am not the one who bought his gifts and this is really hard on me. My family and I have sponsored families for many years until the last few. I never realized how hard it is for some to ask for help. I have no words that explain how I feel to those who sent gifts for him. It is so amazing what this site has done for so many. I wish they could be me for 5 minutes to see how wonderful it feels to be helped as my words are so inadequate.”
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“I feel very lucky to have been able to be a part of Random Acts of Christmas. I think that it is a wonderful thing for people to get together and help the kids out. I grew up in a poor family and have been a recipient of Salvation Army, Santa's Angels, Angel Tree gifts etc. when I was younger and it really was a wonderful thing to have gifts to open on Christmas. I can't wait to see my sister open these gifts tomorrow morning from Santa. I definitely plan to become a Reddit Santa when I can afford it (aka graduate college and get a real job). =]”
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And now from the “Santas” on Reddit:
“I loved being a part of this. I really appreciated when there were several gift ideas that weren’t very expensive. I think that kids can be just as happy with small items as the big ones. A couple of us got scammed early on and it was really upsetting. I almost stopped giving! But then I decided not to let one bad apple spoil the whole barrel and after that everyone was very positive. I am lucky. I have enough money to help. Not rich, just fortunate. I couldn’t stand thinking of any child going without. That just isn’t cool. So I tried to do my part. I helped between 12 and 15 families this year and this coming year, I plan to save cash throughout the months to set aside just for this -- I want to be better prepared. I feel so lucky to have been part of all of this.”
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“I've always been something of a cynic, at least outwardly. I've always assumed that people are generally selfish and they haven't really given me reason to believe otherwise. But then during this past month on Random Acts of Christmas, I've seen people helping out complete strangers (on the Internet, no less) in their time of need, and when the recipients promise that they'll pay it forward when they can, I'm finding myself actually believing that they will. It's an amazing, beautiful, inspiring thing. It's made MY holiday so much better knowing that I've been able to help others. It sounds terribly clichéd, I know, but even though we're only a few hundred people and what we're doing isn't changing the world, it gives me hope that we can all get along and change things for the better in the long run, little by little.
It makes me think of that story about the starfish: a little boy is walking along the beach, tossing stranded starfish one by one back into the water. A man comes along and asks him, "Why do you bother? There's no way you can save all the thousands of starfish on the beach. You won't make a difference." The boy picks up another starfish and tosses it into the ocean, looks up at the man, and replies, "Made a difference to that one."
I'm a college student and so by definition poor, but helping out people on Random Acts of Christmas was probably a better use of my money than anything else I would've done with it this Christmas. I've been incredibly fortunate in my life and all the opportunities given to me -- I know that. I don't need to buy myself a $60 video game to have a wonderful holiday, but a new toy or sweatshirt could make all the difference for some of the families on Random Acts of Christmas. I'm glad I had the opportunity to do something good for others; it really is better to give than to receive.”
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“On the giver's side: Love it, love it, LOVE IT! It's always fun to know exactly who your gift is going to. Also, it's helpful to read each family's story and have the choice of which family you personally want to give to. On the receiver's end: It's been an absolutely fantastic as to how many complete strangers were so generous to help out so many families (including the family I was requesting for). I am still beyond shocked as to how many people came to the rescue for this family I was trying to get help for...I am ever so thankful for them and this subreddit! Overall, this has been an amazing experience and Random Acts of Christmas is now by far my favorite subreddit! I loved every Random Acts of Christmas post and seeing all the good people are doing for these families in need.”
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” I posted 6 offers for Barbies and books, and sent boxes to 6 families who said they would like these items. For me, it was this that gave me the biggest feeling of Christmas spirit this year. I am a mother of two little boys in Ontario, Canada. Our family is considered below poverty level, which always surprises me, as I think we have so much! Although we live pay cheque to pay cheque (and our phone just got cut off because we paid the bill a bit too late!) our boys never want for anything. They are clothed, fed and generally spoiled. I wish this could be true for all children. I explained to them about why we sent items to other families and they were excited about doing this. It will definitely be something we do every year. I also believe in real life karma and paying it forward.”
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“I just feel really happy with everything. I'm usually kind of stingy with my money and skeptical, but I really wanted to help out the kids whose parents were going through rough times. The fact things were personal and I knew something about who was getting the gifts was a strong motivator for me to give. Instead of the request being faceless and therefore easy to ignore without feeling too bad, the fact I knew something about these kids made them more real and made me think that without my help, their Christmas wouldn't be nearly as awesome. I've been lucky in that I've always had tons of presents on Christmas, and I know that one year my mom did end up getting a lot of assistance.
I've been more likely to do random acts of kindness in general. Like tipping a lot, getting my family members better presents, just generally feeling more giving. I've been happier and it's kind of like an addiction. I want to help everyone, but I know I can't. It's not like I'm bursting at the seams with money, but I do know I am better off than some. I'm really glad I was a very small part of this (I sent like 3 pretty cheap anonymous presents). I'm hoping next year I'll be able to contribute even more considering I'll be graduated from college and will hopefully have a real job. I'm just really glad this subreddit exists because it helped me out a lot even though I'm not receiving anything.”
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“I was raised very poor and I remember how disappointed my mother always looked when we didn't have a lot of Christmas presents. I don't think we really cared -- we'd never had a big Christmas so we had nothing to compare it to. Just before my Christmas and my 13th birthday (Dec. 29th) my dad took all of the money out of my parents’ checking account and went on a drug binge. The fight was so huge that it was the final blow to my parents’ marriage and they decided on divorce. So, three weeks before Christmas, I was moved halfway across the country to be near my Mom's family and needless to say it was a present-less year. That Christmas burned a hole in me and I have every year since then sought out underprivileged kids to help buy presents for them. Yes, since I was 13. ;) I worked here and there always doing odd jobs to help out with money and then around Christmas we would go to our bank and they had a Christmas tree with tags and the name/age/etc. of kids then a list of gifts they were hoping for. I would grab a tag or two, buy presents, wrap them, and return them to the bank. The last two years my bank has stopped doing this but I still wanted to help. I like ‘Toys for Tots’- type programs, but I get a much better joy being able to associate the gifts with real people instead of a drop off bin. Random Acts of Christmas helped me re-kindle that when I needed it most.
2011 was one of the hardest years of my life and I teetered very precariously on the edge of severe depression. I went through a terrible break up; I have health issues...some days it seemed hard to go on. And, as cheesy as this will sound, helping others helps me. It's always...IDK...refreshing in a way, to remember that there are other people out there struggling, some succeeding others not, but that there is always someone out there who is worse off than you. I like to be the one to help that person.
And in case you want more specific details, I'm a 24/F. Working two jobs, one full one part time, and going to school part time as well. I'm also an atheist. I celebrate Christmas for what it means to 5 year old me. I celebrate Christmas because the rest of my family is Catholic. I celebrate Christmas for the changing of the season, to honor all the winter traditions that have fallen to the side over the years. I celebrate Christmas because it is awesome to have one small chunk of the year where people aren't being jerks to each other. “
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“With this it kind of put you on the front lines of everything. People are swallowing their pride for the better of their kids in order to help give them a good holiday. Everybody has their rough times -- I remember having less than a dollar in my bank account, and I remember how hard it was asking for help. I tried to help those who asked for clothes, books, toys, etc.; I was able to send multiple gifts to three families each. Next year I'd like to do a lot more -- I will hopefully be able to save up so I can go on a buying spree next time. I want to thank the Random Acts of Christmas mods, and all the others who made it happen. Felt great to help those in need and hopefully help restore some faith for them.”
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“At first I was a little hesitant to get involved, but after my first few purchases I was hooked. It felt so good to give that it became quite addictive. Some of the stories were heartbreaking and I tried to help every family I could.
As a father of three, I found myself wanting to donate to all children in the family -- I just couldn't bring myself to buy one present, a little silly really as other redditors were getting involved, so I'm sure all children would have received something, however I just couldn't take the risk one child would get something and the others wouldn't.
I live in the UK so I was always quite keen to help out fellow Brits, however in the end I think the majority of people I helped where from the US. Not that I minded, I've had the good fortune to travel to the US many times on business, and found the majority of Americans to be friendly and open folk.
In the end I think I probably got more out of this than the people I donated to. I hope all this goodwill will get paid forward and I'm already planning for next year!”
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“As a father of two and an atheist/scientist/historian, I have mixed feelings both about the retail nature of Christmas as well as the usurpation of so many significant Winter holidays and remembrances by a single religion…but none of that really matters in the grand scheme of things: Christmas is about the joy of the possible made real on Christmas morning –EVERY child deserves to have a Christmas morning like those they’ve dreamed of. I am *very* grateful to the mods of Random Acts of Christmas who worked very hard to make sure that by and large those in the subreddit were bona fide families in need – I hope that every single child who in some way, large or small, received something via the Random Acts of Christmas experiment will hold in their heart for at the very least one more year the belief that the good are rewarded and that their parents are able to make their lives meaningful through the struggles that all children come to understand their parents’ having borne on their behalf”
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So now the wrapping paper and the boxes are put away for another year, and, to be honest, for many of those in need, the struggle goes on, regardless of what one morning might have done to ameliorate their sense of helplessness for a little while. It is my hope that the “Random Acts of Christmas” performed here will not be either a one-time, nor a seasonal occurrence, but that those who received help here will build on that vote of confidence their fellow people have given to them and their family and take the next and the next and the next chance – as they did here – to ask for what’s important for them and their kids, having faith in the possibility of better days to come even if at first this seems a long shot. In the end, we’re all in this together; Random Acts of Christmas proved this at the most basic and meaningful level.
To a wonderful 2012, and an even greater reach and mission for Random Acts of Christmas, 2012 Edition :-)
...and to all a good night.
Richard Law
(rlaw68)
(rlaw68)
